a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
