i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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