Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
