bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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