Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
