he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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