No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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