when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
