Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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