I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
