whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
