Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
