If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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