At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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