we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
