Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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