problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
