I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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