Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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