Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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