This is not my ceiling
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
