Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pants 0. Shit 1.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
