Have you finally orgasmed yet?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sober January is a disaster.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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