someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
