I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
