Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
