I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
