Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
