i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
