I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
