do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
