Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
