my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
