i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
