Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
