There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
