If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
