my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
