im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
