I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
