no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
