I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
