she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
