If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
