I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
