my mouth tastes like poor choices
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
