I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
