I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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