well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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