If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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