A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
