Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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