Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
