Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
