You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
