Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
