fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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