i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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