she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
