yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
